?Nashville needs an enema?

By Jim Reed

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Little is known about freakazoid country icon Unknown Hinson. Fact of the matter is the chief source of information on this 60-ish electric guitarist and songwriter is his own damn self. But with everyone from Tom Petty to Matt Groening singing the praises of this fang-toothed cult figure with a legendary hatred for rawk music, and the ability to make even darkly satiric ditties about wifebeating hard not to laugh at, perhaps the less one knows, the better.

Did he really spend 30 years behind bars for a variety of violent offenses? Did he really meet and influence The Beatles? Who cares. What matters is that hes one hell of a fine guitarist, and as far as shticks go, his Ever womern's dream and ever jealous husband's nightmare, bit is about as good as it gets.

As far as them candy-ass new country stars... Hell they aint nothin but a buncha steroid-eatin purty boys in black hats and tight-ass jeans with $900 cowboy boots, he rails.

If I may say so, Nashville needs an enema. And I am just the person to administer said enema.

I grilled Unknown Hinson over the phone before a gig at Atlantas Star Bar.

Connect Savannah: Strat or Tele?

Unknown Hinson: Telecaster.

Connect Savannah: Bo Diddley or Chuck Berry?

Unknown Hinson: I don't eat no solid foods.

Connect Savannah: Duke's or Miracle Whip?

Unknown Hinson: I told you, I don't eat no solid foods.

Connect Savannah: Boxers or briefs?

Unknown Hinson: Boxers.

Connect Savannah: Open hand or fist?

Unknown Hinson: Loaded gun.

Connect Savannah: Best Nashville tailor - Nudie or Manuel?

Unknown Hinson: "Tooty of Hollywood" builds all my showdate clothes.

Connect Savannah: Dylan or Neil Young?

Unknown Hinson: Bob Dylan. Neil Young sings like a womern.

Connect Savannah: Porter Wagoner or Dolly Parton?

Unknown Hinson: What the hell do you think?

Connect Savannah: Robert Blake or O.J.?

Unknown Hinson: Robert Blake. He didn't leave no mess.

Connect Savannah: Cash or Haggard?

Unknown Hinson: Faron Young.

Connect Savannah: Kris Kristofferson: genuine article, or no-talent poonboy?

Unknown Hinson: I ain't familiar with her.

Connect Savannah: Who deserves a kick in the ass more: Clinton or George W.?

Unknown Hinson: The idiots who elected Bush twice need the ass-kickin'.

Connect Savannah: If rock and roll is straight from hell, where's Michael Jackson from?

Unknown Hinson: Purgatory, I reckon.

Connect Savannah: Who's the better Dracula - Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee?

Unknown Hinson: Lugosi. I don't see no contest here.

Connect Savannah: Webb Wilder says he's a member of the Rock & Roll Justice League. Are you with him or against him?

Unknown Hinson: I don't no nothin' about no rawk mess.

Connect Savannah: What's your secret for staying so youthful and good-looking?

Unknown Hinson: Good blood.

Connect Savannah: Would you rather drink moonshine with Jesco White or smoke pot with Jack Nicholson?

Unknown Hinson: Neither one.

Connect Savannah: Robert Blake or O.J.?

Unknown Hinson: I believe we already covered this.

Connect Savannah: What's the craziest thing someone ever did to get you in bed?

Unknown Hinson: One time a womern bought me a new guitar and a new suit of showdate clothes for in exchange my love. It was crazy cause I didn't like either one of em. They was the wrong color.

Connect Savannah: What's something you've never told anyone before?

Unknown Hinson: "I'm sorry if I offended you." Yeah, yeah... thatd have to be it.

Unknown Hinson plays The Jinx Friday with openers Whiskey Dick and The Shit Thieves. The 18+ show starts at 10 pm.

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