YOU WANT CHANGE? How's this for change? Elect former heavyweight boxing champion of the world Larry Holmes as our 44th president.
That respect issue our current president has? I dare anyone to laugh at Larry Holmes.
We had Black Angus burgers for lunch at the Hyatt recently while Larry vacationed here in Savannah. After lunch we walked out into the lobby of the hotel and Larry was mobbed by fans.
He smiled, talked and posed for photographs until everyone was happy. Unfortunately when I asked Larry if, like Charles Barkley, he wanted a career in politics, he said he didn’t.
Here’s what he had to say during our lunch:
What is the role of government?
Larry Holmes: I wish the government would mind its own business and sit its ass down at the damn table and concentrate on the people that we need to deal with here each and every day. Government starts at home. And when you get home straightened out, then you try and do something else.
What is the greatest problem our country faces today?
Larry Holmes: Young people are our problem. What kids need is discipline, or they’re going to be pulling down their clothes and walking down the street with their pants hanging around their ass. Or they’re going to break into your house, and they ain’t gonna go to school.
My momma put the belt on my ass and made me stand up in the goddamn corner in discipline. Today you do that and they come take your kids. They come take you and throw you in jail. They fire your ass.
So how do you fix that?
Larry Holmes: Let the old people handle it like they used to handle it. If you get out of line you get a spanking on your ass... fine! My teacher had a paddle. One side said “Ooch,” one said “Ouch.” When we got out of line in school we went down to the principal’s office and he bent us over the table and he put that paddle on my ass for two or three licks.
What do we have now? “Time out! Time out!” The kid’s got a gun! The kid goes “Bang! Bang!” He kills you.
Are you a proponent of capital punishment?
Larry Holmes: If you do crime, it all depends on what kind of crime you do. You kill me? Your life needs to go down the drain too. Why should you live? If it’s self defense, that’s a different story.
What about rape? Is that a capital offense?
Larry Holmes: I would castrate them. You rape somebody, you go to jail for ten years and then you get castrated.
A lot of crimes are not crimes. If you want to smoke marijuana it’s your own damn body...
Larry Holmes: Do it. Do it! Yeah! If you wanna smoke marijuana, smoke marijuana. You wanna snort some cocaine up your nose? That’s your prerogative.
You rob somebody to get some cocaine? We’re gonna stick your ass in jail.
What are your thoughts on the war in Iraq?
Larry Holmes: Who do think we are, God? How are we going to tell you what to do in your own country? You and I are not going to let someone come into our house and let them tell us what the hell to do!
Why do we need to be over there? Why fight a war we don’t have to? We build highways and schools there and don’t do shit here. Take it home first!
You mentioned the problem we have with our youth. What other problems do you see?
Larry Holmes: We have a food problem because we’re not growing our own food. We’re importing our food. We want to know why people are dying and shit? Getting salmonella? The government gives you money not to grow! They tell you not to raise your animals. They say: “We’re going to get it from over yonder.” Why? Whose ass are we kissing?
Should we or should we not open our borders and allow foreign labor into our country?
Larry Holmes: Let them in. They have the right to breathe this air just like you and I do.
What are your thoughts on our presidential candidates?
Larry Holmes: To a certain extent they’re all going to do the same thing. That “R” or that “D” don’t mean shit to me. Because if I don’t like you for what you are, I don’t like you, period.
McCain? I think he’s too old. And I think the Bush policies that he’s going to carry on are fucked up.
A lot of the people in the world today are afraid for Barack. A lot of people will say that they don’t know if he is going to make it because he’s black. They don’t mind killing you out there in the streets today.
If he’s good for the country he’s good for the country. Barack cares right now. But maybe after the first full year he ain’t going to care no more. Maybe he’s going to want to get the hell out of there. Maybe he’s going to be thinking that he made a mistake. Maybe he’s thinking that now.
Larry Holmes: Because he can’t do nothing. He’s in jail! Everything he does, he’s got to be followed and watched. He can’t even go into a store and pick up a candy bar and walk out, they’re going to talk shit about him. cs
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"And you deserve better."
Thanks, Jim, for my new campaign slogan.