If I left, how far inland would I have to drive to be safe? How hard would it be to find a motel that would take in my cat and I? How would my cat act all that time in the car? She gets very unhappy in just the five-mile drive to the vet.
The ordinance was written by and for the entrenched interests of downtown property owners, seeking to preserve their dominance in the short-term rental market, and hoteliers seeking to limit the growth of new, competing supply in a market where they are already concerned with over-building.
Ever heard of a truth window? Its a small, glassed opening configured inside the interior wall of a straw-bale house -- an offbeat, low-tech, environmentally friendly way to build -- providing absolute proof that the beautiful, stucco-covered house with rounded windows and doors really was constructed with straw.
Im not sure who came up with the tradition -- it wasnt a politician, a health insurance salesman or anyone named Karl Rove, thats for sure -- but I really love the concept.
Which is why Im biting the bullet, fessing up and handing you the absolute truth about the upcoming, fall plant swap.
First a little background. For the past eight years weve billed the twice-yearly swaps in benign, benevolent, peace-and-love terms -- a time of sharing, a time to gather with leftover perennials, extra packages or pods of seeds, an opportunity to ask those extraneous questions about gardening in Savannah.
With a budget of zero, no executive committees, no board of directors, no dues, no billboards, no rules, weve developed quite a following of capable and big-hearted gardeners, as apt to show up the morning of the swap with a batch of homemade zucchini muffins fresh out of the oven as a truckload of ginger lilies, lantana or plumbago fresh out of the ground.
We also welcome people who have nothing to swap. We only want to share our leftovers.
And thats the truth. After the Oct. 15 swap, set aside some time; get ready to dig in the dirt.
But this is where things get dicey.
Yes, the specimens youll drive away with a month from now are hardy, robust, rugged, seasoned and -- because they came from someones garden who lives in your planting zone -- perfectly suited to our weather.
But this is the part we never tell you. Because the plants are so happy and well-adjusted, theyre also acquisitive and greedy. The reason they transplant so easily is because theyre glutinous, hoggish and easily satisfied.
Which is what prompted one veteran garden swapper to suggest we adopt a new slogan: Plant swap -- invasive by nature.
Its true. If you have a backyard with a German shepherd, roots from a magnolia tree and nothing but shade, we have something for you. If you have a thumb without the slightest hue of green, we can get you started. If you have spent thousands of dollars at the nurseries and come up with nothing, we can make suggestions.
Except now everything I give away comes with caveats.
Beach daisy? A wonderful ground cover with yellow flowers that grows anywhere. Thats right. Currently it is covering my gerber daisies, climbing up a lowquat tree and obliterating a lovely wall of carefully and thoughtfully placed round stones. (Stones? What stones?)
Mexican sunflowers (tithonia)? A tall, reliable plant that comes back every year, with a handsome, orange flower butterflies adore -- and weak branches that will fall and block every conceivable path.
Equisedum (horsetail)? A fascinating, prehistoric plant that never met a boundary it could respect, a rule it could obey. Deceitfully neat -- until it shows up down the street; until you try to remove it, which is, bottom line, impossible.
Cypress vine (ipomea quamoclit)? A delicate, morning glory vine with sweet little heart-shaped red flowers that is currently climbing over my fennel, through my moonflowers, up my sugar cane.
Swamp sunflower (helianthus angustifolius)? Hardy, a beautiful yellow bloom in late September when nothing much else is happening and a plant with no discipline, no sense of space, no limits.
Passion flower (passiflora incarnata)? Dont get me started. Lets just say its nickname, maypop, has more to do with the way it seems to pop out of the ground than the sound it makes when stomped upon.
Obedience plant (phystostegia)? A good cut-flower plant with sweet pink blooms that writer Felder Rushing says should be renamed disobedient plant. Another one of those you-cant-kill it varieties.
Even the handsome ladys thumb (persicaria). When a gardener in town gave me a little slip, I babied it like some exotic. Now I Google the thing and see it described as a workhouse of a perennial. Preaching to the choir. The thing is sprawling, tough, aggressive. And beautiful.
So dont say you werent forewarned. Dont say we didnt offer you a truth window. And dont let any of this nonsense keep you from coming to the swap.
Remember: gardeners know all the good dirt.
The fall plant swap is Saturday, Oct. 15 from 9-11 a.m. at the urban folk garden at 415 West Boundary St., between West Jones and West Gwinnett, next to Chatham Steel and SCADs Boundary Hall. No charge. Call 234-8926 for more