As far as ill-advised Nicole Kidman vehicles that plunder past artifacts of pop culture are concerned, the nicest thing one can say about Bewitched is that its an improvement over The Stepford Wives. Thats primarily because of Kidman herself, who manages to harness her maddeningly inconsistent role with such success that the result is an offbeat and original characterization. Otherwise, the same elements that made Stepford such a disaster are again in full force: zero chemistry with a leading man who was a last-minute replacement (just as Matthew Broderick stepped in for John Cusack on Stepford, Will Ferrell likewise takes Jim Carreys sloppy seconds); a script with no sense of direction once it gets past its setup; and accomplished vets eventually abandoned and presumably left to wither on the cutting room floor. Directed and co-written (with her sister Delia) by Nora Ephron, Bewitched isnt a faithful adaptation of the popular 60s TV series; instead, its the Ephrons attempt to outsmart Charlie Kaufman by constructing a scenario in which fading actor Jack Wyatt (Ferrell) attempts to rejuvenate his career by playing the Dick York/Dick Sargent part of the cuckolded husband in an update of Bewitched. So his own star wont get eclipsed, he hires an unknown named Isabel (Kidman) to essay the Elizabeth Montgomery role of Samantha, little realizing that hes cast a real witch to play a fictional one. Initially clever, the movie takes one wrong turn after another beginning around the halfway mark, frittering away its comic potential by focusing on an unlikely romance between Isabel and Jack. Ferrells manic performance quickly grows tiresome, while Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine are wasted in malnourished roles.
HERBIE: FULLY LOADED
The notion of a supercharged Volkswagen beetle seems quaint in this age of monolithic, gas-guzzling SUVs -- indeed, the first Herbie picture, The Love Bug, hit theaters back in 1969 -- yet given the sort of cacophonous kiddie dreck that routinely fills the auditoriums today, this blast of old-fashioned sentiment isnt half-bad. Lindsey Lohan, whose tight outfits continually threaten to put the kibosh on the films G rating, stars as Maggie Peyton, a third-generation member of a NASCAR family whose lineage includes her deceased grandfather, her retired pop (Michael Keaton) and her clumsy brother (Breckin Meyer). Forbidden by her dad from ever taking part in races, Maggie goes against his wishes once she discovers that the rusty VW she rescues from a junkyard is magically endowed. Herbie and Maggie manage to beat obnoxious NASCAR champ Trip Murphy (Matt Dillon) in a street race, but once the car and driver find themselves revving up for a NASCAR competition, the stakes are raised considerably. Lets leave the Freudian implications to those with more time on their hands (horny Herbie is constantly squirting fluids on people, attempting to mount other cars, and making passes at a female VW barely out of adolescence) and maintain that this is suitable fare for families with small children. The wavering quality of the special effects -- more special in some scenes than others -- will pass unnoticed by the little ones, while parents will enjoy revisiting their youth via the mix of rock oldies on the soundtrack. Still, couldnt music supervisor Howard Paar have used a smidgen of imagination by NOT prominently featuring Steppenwolfs Born to Be Wild?
LAND OF THE DEAD PP1/2
George Romero has always been as much a social commentator as a horror filmmaker, which is why his zombie flicks have always remained as popular with the critics as with the cultists. The final minutes of his groundbreaking 1968 effort Night of the Living Dead contains one of the most penetrating moments of racism ever put on film, while the 1978 epic Dawn of the Dead, in which the mindless creatures shuffle through a shopping mall, is perhaps the final word on American consumerism and conformity. Even 1985s Day of the Dead, in which a captured zombie exhibits more humanity than the sadistic military grunts, made some salient points within its scattershot approach. Two decades later, Romero has decided to add a new chapter onto his established trilogy; its good, gory fun, even if its satiric jabs at societal mores come across as more obvious and heavy-handed than in the past. The first Dead movie to feature a white male as its hero (the past entries all employed women and blacks), this entry details the efforts of a conscientious mercenary (Simon Baker) to head out of the zombie-infested metropolitan areas and search for a safe haven up north. Instead, he find himself trapped between various warring factions, including a ruthless CEO (Dennis Hopper) who offers safety to the wealthy while allowing the unwashed masses to fend for themselves, a fellow mercenary (John Leguizamo) who will sacrifice anyone to advance his own agenda, and hordes of zombies who are starting to take baby steps up the evolutionary chart. Romeros wit remains intact -- one scene lends new meaning to the term finger food, while another features a headless zombie who still has some bite left in him -- but its allusions to modern-day America come across as half-hearted at best. Recommended, but with reservations.
THE PERFECT MAN P1/2
Hilary Duff, who seems to be playing Lizzie McGuire even when her characters are named something else, tackles the role of Holly Hamilton, a teenager who doesnt like the fact that her single mom (Heather Locklear) uproots the family every time she gets dumped. Holly decides to cheer up her mother by fabricating a Mr. Right: Taking suggestions from her friends unwitting uncle (Chris Noth), Holly anonymously sends her mother flowers, writes her poems and shoots her cheery Instant Messages. But it never occurs to Holly that, duh, her mom might eventually want to meet this seemingly perfect man in the flesh, and thats when her scheme begins to unravel. Even allowing that this is supposed to be aimed at younger viewers, the film is so casually cruel in its treatment of its characters that a bad taste lingers even after everybody learns their valuable life lesson during the final 10 minutes. And Hollywoods gay panic continues: On the heels of Miss Congeniality 2s masochistic stylist and The Longest Yards parade of swishy queens, we now get Queer Eye for the Straight Guys Carson Kressley, who practically has an orgasm as he wipes the brow of a sweaty construction worker.
BATMAN BEGINS PPP1/2
Director Christopher Nolan, who immediately established himself with the crackerjack crime gems Memento and Insomnia, has made another movie in which thought often speaks louder than either action or words. Fear is the motivating factor for almost every character, starting with young Bruce Wayne. As he grows older and notes how his hometown of Gotham City continues to degenerate into a cesspool of crime and corruption (something his father fought hard to change), Bruce (now played by Christian Bale) embarks on an international odyssey, hoping to learn all about the inner workings of the criminal mind. This journey eventually lands him in the company of Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson) and Ras al Ghul (The Last Samurais Ken Watanabe), two powerful figures who run The League of Shadows, a vigilante group bent on wiping out evil wherever it exists. Having finally conquered his fear of bats, Bruce decides that this creature of the night will become his symbol as he battles his burgs evildoers. He has always been able to count on the services of the family butler Alfred (Michael Caine), yet he also finds allies in Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), an inventor who works for Wayne Enterprises, and detective Jim Gordon, seemingly the only honest cop left in Gotham (its nice to see perennial villain Gary Oldman cast in this sympathetic role). More ambiguous in her support is assistant d.a. Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes), who views Bruce Wayne as a shallow billionaire and Batman as a potentially dangerous vigilante. Yet even she would concede that the Caped Crusaders preferable to Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson), the citys leading crime boss, or Dr. Jonathan Crane (Cillian Murphy), a twisted psychiatrist who also operates under the guise of The Scarecrow. The Scarecrow? Ras al Ghul? These are second-tier Batman villains, with none of the marquee value of, say, The Joker or Catwoman. Yet by kicking off his series with these lower profile baddies, Nolan has immediately made it clear that he wont kowtow to anyone or anything, least of all commercial expectations.
THE HONEYMOONERS P1/2
The classic 1950s TV sitcom gets refitted for a 21st century big-screen excursion, but unfortunately, its the audience who gets it right in the kisser. We do get an irascible bus driver named Ralph Kramden and his dim-witted friend Ed Norton, played here by Cedric the Entertainer and Mike Epps. The plot centers around their efforts to raise enough money to place a down payment on a duplex coveted by their wives (Gabrielle Union and Regina Hall). One character makes a crack about The WB, which in all honesty is where this feeble film belongs. On the plus side, John Leguizamo is a hoot as a motor-mouthed hustler, and theres one funny line about the Shah of Argentina.
MR. AND MRS. SMITH PP1/2
Based on the countless scenes in which Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie strip down to their undergarments, its clear that there isnt an ounce of flab on either of those beautiful bodies -- its just too bad the same cant be said about the film itself. Sorry, Ms. Aniston, but Brad and Angelina make a hot on-screen couple, and they gleefully throw themselves into this chaotic action flick in which the sharp dialogue too often gets drowned out by the incessant explosions and automatic weapon fire. The People Magazine perennials play John and Jane Smith, a suburban couple who have grown bored with each other over the six years theyve been married. But what they dont realize is that theyre both skilled assassins working for competing agencies; once this tidbit of information becomes known to both parties, each is suddenly forced to try to kill the other. The movies pacing is damaged by Doug Limans occasionally lackadaisical direction (a problem it shares with his The Bourne Identity), and once the emphasis shifts from the characters to the hardware they employ, it becomes just another noisy spectacle that cops out with a crowd-friendly ending.
THE LONGEST YARD PP
Imagine Adam Sandler in the Burt Reynolds role in Deliverance. Impossible, right? Yet it really isnt that much easier to accept Sandler in Reynolds old role of football-star-turned-convict Paul Wrecking Crewe in the remake of The Longest Yard. Sandler is squishy-soft in that unmistakable Hollywood manner -- he looks less like an a-hole athlete who could tough it out in a Texas prison than an eager-to-please Improv regular who somehow ended up in a Universal Studios tour backlot simulation of a Texas prison. Faithfulness to director Robert Aldrichs hard-hitting 1974 flick, in which Crewe leads a ragtag group of convicts in a football match against the sadistic guards, isnt the problem. But when this version does deviate from its source material, the results are disastrous -- and all but kill any chance the film had in maintaining its modest pleasures.
CINDERELLA MAN PPP
Ron Howard can finally breathe easy.
No filmmaker in his right mind would want his boxing picture to be released a scant few months after Million Dollar Baby cleaned up at the Oscars and at the box office. But Cinderella Man is so structurally and tonally different from Clint Eastwoods masterwork that it might as well be about jai alai. This one never touches greatness like Clints Baby, but its a sturdy film on its own terms, relating the real-life story of pugilist James J. Braddock (Russell Crowe).
THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS PPP
Sisterhood hurtles over most its shortcomings by adding a layer of toughness not usually found in films aimed at teens. As they prepare to go their separate ways for the summer, four high school friends stumble across a pair of jeans that miraculously fits all of them. They decide that the pants will be passed among them throughout the summer, as a way of staying in touch over long distances. Brainy Carmen (America Ferrera) will be spending the summer with her neglectful dad (Bradley Whitford); shy Lena (Alexis Bledel) will pass the time with distant relatives in Greece; sexy Bridget (Blake Lively) will hunt for boys while attending a soccer camp in Mexico; and antisocial Tibby (Amber Tamblyn) will remain in town completing her documentary.
STAR WARS: EPISODE III --
REVENGE OF THE SITH
George Lucas has declared that this is the darkest film in the series, and the MPAA obviously agreed by pasting the movie with a PG-13 rating instead of the usual PG. It's here that we witness the final transformation of Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) from a young idealist who's been tagged as the "Chosen One" by the Jedi Council to an agent of evil for the power-hungry lords of the Sith. Despite efforts by his wife Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) and his mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) to keep him from turning to the dark side of the Force, Anakin instead chooses to follow the advice of the nefarious Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), a megalomaniac determined to establish his own insidious, fascistic government. (If that sounds suspiciously like America 2005 as opposed to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, be aware that Lucas includes plenty of topical parallels.) Bluntly speaking, the opening acts of Revenge of the Sith are dreadful, until something inspiring occurs: The mythology takes over. As Lucas rounds the final curves, he begins to focus on the elements of the story that directly tie into events first recorded in the original Star Wars flick back in '77.
For the first time since, well, 1977, Lucas seems completely in control of his craft, and these sequences resonate beyond the screen.
Clearly, DreamWorks animation division doesnt rely on sentiment as heavily as Disney, preferring instead to come across as the hippest cel block in town. But more than just about any other recent toon flick, Madagascar strikes an appropriate balance between Disney and non-Disney, being neither too sudsy nor too smart-alecky. The animal quartet at the center of Madagascar is comprised of the narcissistic lion Alex (Ben Stiller), the affable zebra Marty (Chris Rock), the commonsensical hippo Gloria (Jada Pinkett Smith) and the hypochondriac giraffe Melman (David Schwimmer). All are living in peaceful contentment at New Yorks Central Park Zoo, satisfied with their meals, living quarters and celebrity status with the zoos visitors. But on his 10th birthday, Marty begins to question not only his lot in life but his very being. Is he black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
KICKING & SCREAMING PP1/2
Will Ferrell ably tackles his most complete role to date: Phil Weston, a wimpy husband and father whose entire life has been spent in the shadow of his ultra-competitive dad Buck (Robert Duvall), a bullying jock who also happens to be the coach of the vicinitys best boys soccer team. After his own son gets traded by Buck to the worst team in the league, Phil takes it upon himself to become the ragtag outfits new coach; he enlists ex-Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka (playing himself) as his assistant, learns that coffee can provide a person with unlimited amounts of energy, and eventually becomes just as dictatorial on the field as his old man. What elevates the movie is Ferrell himself: While his patented shtick can grow tiresome, here its in the service of an actual character, and that seems to make the difference.
KINGDOM OF HEAVENPP
Set during the Crusades, this dutiful slog through revisionist history stars Orlando Bloom as Balian, a tormented blacksmith (his wife committed suicide after the death of their child) who learns that his father (Liam Neeson) is a revered knight and decides to accompany him to Jerusalem. There, he finds himself in the middle of a growing feud between the Christians and the Muslims, both of whom lay claim to the holy city. Comparisons to recent sword flicks like Troy and Scotts Gladiator are natural, but despite the lofty ambitions of William Monahans literate yet arid script, such contrasts do this movie no favors.
If nothing else, at least those other films moved; beyond that, they also featured several morally ambiguous characters (as opposed to the cut-and-dry saints and sinners showcased here), handed juicy roles to vets like Peter OToole and Oliver Reed (Kingdoms name actors labor mightily in colorless parts), and, in the case of Troy, made a stronger case for contemporary relevance (even today, Christians are still bullying their way into the Middle East, but Kingdom is too timid to make many lacerating observations). As the courgeous Balian, Bloom has the heroic glower down pat but brings little else to the role.
THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY PP1/2
It was only a matter of time before Douglas Adams cult phenomenon -- which had already moved from radio to print to television -- would eventually complete the journey by edging into cinema. Yet as a movie, H2G2 is only a mixed bag, crammed with many inspired bits but never coalescing as a whole. The picture gets off to a great start, as drab human Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) learns from his alien pal Ford Prefect (Mos Def) that Earth is about to be destroyed to make room for an intergalactic freeway. These early passages present the film at its finest: Reminiscent of both Monty Python and The Fifth Element, they embody a cheeky spirit that becomes harder to appreciate once the picture begins to buckle under the weight of an overly busy plot.
A high-tech update of Agatha Christies classic Ten Little Indians, the story finds a band of FBI agents sent to a remote island off the coast of North Carolina, where theyre expected to complete their training by taking part in an exercise that draws upon their skills as profilers of serial killers. But they soon realize that theres a real killer on the island, and that he or she comes from within their own ranks. A couple of clues make it relatively easy to deduce the identity of the killer. Regardless, the screenplay doesnt stand up to close scrutiny, but director Renny Harlin has churned out a fairly engrossing film that doesnt denigrate its (uncredited) source material.
Jane Fonda, whose performances in Klute and The China Syndrome (among others) still have the power to stun, is an embarrassment in Monster-In-Law, betrayed both by director Robert Luketics mishandling and by her own rusty instincts. Jennifer Lopez stars as Charlie, a jill-of-all-trades who finds the perfect man in Dr. Kevin Fields (Alias Michael Vartan). All goes well until Charlie meets his mother Viola, who hates Charlie because why exactly?
HOUSE OF D PP
Maybe not a D, but this coming-of-age yarn from writer-director-actor David Duchovny certainly rates no better than a C. The former X-Files star here plays Tom Warshaw, an American artist living in Paris who flashes back on a pivotal time during his childhood years in Greenwich Village. Thirteen-year-old Tommy (appealing Anton Yelchin) lives with his pill-popping mom, whos in a fog following the recent death of her husband -- the fact that Duchovnys characters mom is played by his real-life wife Tea Leoni brings up Freudian connotations that Id rather avoid. Meanwhile, young Tommys best friend is a mentally challenged janitor who gets erect watching horror flicks and whos prone to telling teenage girls that hes got a big penis -- as if this isnt frightening enough, also consider that the character is played by Robin Williams in full cuddly-creepy mode. Truly, theres much in House of D thats ghastly -- and clearly the work of an actor still cutting his teeth on the other side of the camera -- yet there are also plenty of small moments of sensitivity and insight that save this from being utterly unbearable. Whether its the kid who repeatedly yells Sabbath! to the DJ while standing in the middle of the dance floor or the stern yet fair priest (Frank Langella) whose lame jokes dont cut it with his pupils, there are some choice bits to offset the amateurishness.
THE INTERPRETER PP1/2
Sydney Pollack is no stranger to the paranoia thriller. He directed one of the best: 1975s Three Days of the Condor, in which CIA reader Robert Redford must figure out why hes been marked for termination -- possibly by the very agency for which he punches out a living. That Pollack would now be helming something like The Interpreter points out how much cinema has changed over the ensuing decades. It takes a filmmaker of rigid moral fiber -- and a studio willing to finance such an endeavor -- to actually blanket multiplexes with a fictional tale that might ruffle feathers in high places. As one of the few movies out there that doesnt blatantly cater to the kids or to the Tarantino fanatics, this earns high marks for remembering that movies once upon a time had meaty plots, intricate character dynamics and a relaxed storytelling style. Nicole Kidman ably portrays the title character: Shes Silvia Broome, who escaped a troubled past in her African homeland to become an interpreter at the United Nations building in New York. Late one night, she just happens to overhear two voices discussing a plot to assassinate African president Zuwanie (Earl Cameron), a former freedom fighter whos now a mad butcher prone to slaughtering his own people. Relaying the info to the police (veteran actor Clyde Kusatsu has a couple of nice scenes as the chief), she then finds herself being interrogated by Secret Service agents Tobin Keller (Sean Penn, more relaxed than usual) and Dot Woods (a sharp Catherine Keener).
As a thriller, The Interpreter is efficient enough, and it contains one dazzling set piece in which various characters -- heroes and villains and suspects alike -- all jockey to get the upper hand. Moments like these help disguise the implausibilities that define the plot.
A LOT LIKE LOVE PP
A Lot Like Love is a lot like When Harry Met Sally crossed with Serendipity, as two people wonder whether theyre better off remaining friends or whether the stars have something more intimate in mind. After spotting each other at the L.A. airport and then wordlessly boffing in an airplane lavatory, Oliver (Ashton Kutcher) wants to know all about his new lady friend while Emily (Amanda Peet) becomes aloof. Over the next few years, they keep bumping into each other, sometimes by accident, sometimes by design. But rather than commit to each other and get us out of the theater after a half-hour, the pair keep bumping up against labored plot developments that drive them apart and insure at least one more trip to the concession stand. While painless to sit through, the film never convinces us that these two need to be together. Part of the problem is the lack of chemistry between Kutcher and Peet, while the rest of the blame falls on scripter Colin Patrick Lynch, who creates two likable protagonists who could doubtless find happiness in the arms of countless other kids with a shared interest in junk food, Jon Bon Jovi and afternoon quickies.
FEVER PITCH PPP
Since an alarming number of people have this pathological need to designate all movies as either chick flicks or dick flicks, I submit the new comedy Fever Pitch for their perusal. The theatrical poster - with stars Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon looking all cute and bubbly as they press up against each other - and the boy-meets-and-loses-and-regains-girl scenario would suggest that this skews female. But Fever Pitchs true subject isnt the love between a man and a woman but between a man and his favorite sports team. Fallon, the Saturday Night Live vet trying to salvage his burgeoning film career after Taxi crashed and burned so spectacularly last fall, plays Ben Wrightman, a mild-mannered school teacher who decides to ask the sexy and successful consultant Lindsey Meeks (Barrymore) out on a date. Lindsey isnt used to dating guys like Ben i.e. men without cash to burn and designers suits lining their closets but she takes a chances and likes what she sees really likes what she sees. Then he drops the bomb: Hes a Boston Red Sox fan. Initially, Lindsey thinks she can work around his undying devotion to the cursed team that hadnt won a World Series since 1918 (indeed, the movies ending had to be rewritten during filming to incorporate the teams miracle win last year). But her patience starts to wear thin once she realizes that he will never love her the way he loves the Sox. As the working girl who finds reality impeding on her fairy tale romance, Barrymore sparkles brightly, as she always does when faced with these sorts of rom-com predicaments. Less successful is Fallon, a vanilla comedian who doesnt always capture his characters overriding passion for the Sox or his burgeoning affection for Lindsey.
Sahara may be based on the bestseller by Clive Cussler, but it feels like it wants to be either a knock-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a send-up of the James Bond oeuvre, or an instant sequel to last years National Treasure. Matthew McConaughney, a semi-movie star whose appeal still escapes me, plays the role of dashing adventurer Dirk Pitt as if he were a party-hardy frat boy who ventured out into the real world after all campus kegs were tapped dry. Steve Zahn, an ersatz character actor whose appeal likewise eludes me, plays the role of Dirks wisecracking sidekick Al Giordino. And Penelope Cruz, a Spanish beauty whose appeal vanishes in English-language films, tags along for the ride as the dedicated Dr. Eva Rojas, although the actress seems so disinterested in whats happening around her that its hard to believe her character would even have the medical know-how to prescribe aspirin. The storyline, a thick hodgepodge involving a Civil War battleship that went MIA in the title desert, a mysterious disease thats wiping out scores of Africans, and a sneering French villain (Lambert Wilson) to placate the yahoos who fell for that freedom fries nonsense, never grabs viewers by the collar, making Sahara an adventure tale in which the action is more exhausting than exciting.
MELINDA AND MELINDA PP1/2
The problem with Woody Allen these days isnt that hes run out of ideas; the problem is that hes running out of ways in which to frame these ideas in compelling contexts. Melinda and Melinda starts with a typically inspired concept: Two playwrights (Wallace Shawn and Larry Pine) discussing whether life is inherently tragic or comic both hear an anecdote involving a young woman named Melinda. The playwright who specializes in tragedies envisions the story as a downer in which Melinda is a distraught, suicidal woman whos perpetually on the receiving end of lifes hard knocks, while the playwright known for comedies views it as a sparkling tale in which Melindas an endearing free spirit involved in frothy romantic entanglements. The plastic bubble that surrounds Woody Allen movies is still as firm as ever: His stories continue to take place in a hermetically sealed New York in which money is no object and everyone talks like a philosopher. But his instincts clearly arent as sharp as before, since the comic half isnt especially funny and the tragic half isnt especially heartbreaking.
Seven-year-old Damian (Alex Etel), still coping with the death of his mother, receives regular visits from historys honored saints (Francis, Peter, etc.), so when a bag of cash lands in his lap, he figures it came straight from God and he should dole it out to the poor. But his older brother Anthony (Lewis McGibbon) has a firmer grasp on the advantages of wealth and tries to convince his sibling that they should hunt for sensible business investments instead. What neither boy knows is that the loot is actually stolen, and that the thief (Christopher Fulford) is determined to recover it at all costs. Forget the tepid Robots: Parents who actually care about quality entertainment should take their kids to see this instead.
SIN CITY PPP
When director Robert Rodriguez first decided to bring the graphic novels by Frank Miller to the big screen, he chose to lift many of the images and accompanying dialogue exactly as they appeared on the page, with scarcely any changes in the angles or lighting that defined these individual panels. By remaining so faithful to Millers vision, Rodriguez has bridged the gap between cinema and comics more explicitly than any filmmaker before him, in essence leveling the playing field and not allowing fans of either medium to establish a foothold of superiority. In the manner of Quentin Tarantinos Pulp Fiction, the movie is a circuitous affair in which the disparate storylines all taking place in Basin City (Sin City for short) occasionally overlap and characters in one vignette might appear briefly in another segment. The glee with which Rodriguez films the sadism may be off-putting, but the joy with which he pays tribute to both the comic form and film noir is positively infectious.
MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUSP
A textbook example of formula filmmaking at its most dim-witted. When Gracies superior (Ernie Hudson) comments that Gracie will be the most famous celebrity in Vegas, we use the half-second pause that follows to predict that the punchline will involve Wayne Newton. Voila: Unless Wayne Newtons in town! Equally witless are the characters, starting with an offensive gay stylist (Diedrich Bader).
GUESS WHO PPP
Applying role reversal to the original 1967 template, Guess Who stars Bernie Mac as Percy Jones, a bank loan officer whos on the verge of throwing a 25th wedding anniversary party with his wife Marilyn (Judith Scott) when he learns that his lovely daughter Theresa (Zoe Saldana) is coming home with her new boyfriend in tow. As Percy states at one point, hes expecting his child to bring home a Denzel Washington; instead, she drags in some punkd white boy named Simon Green (Ashton Kutcher). For all its attention to the racial divide, Guess Who isnt as interested in being the new Guess Whos Coming to Dinner as it is in taking its place as the next Meet the Parents.
Exploring issues pertaining to blacks and whites is fine, but as we all know, the color that truly matters in Hollywood is green.
THE RING TWO P1/2
The original Ring (itself a remake of the popular Japanese flick Ringu) established that the only way the demonic girl Samara could work her evil on the world was through the playing of the aforementioned videotape. In this sequel, reporter Rachel Keller (returning star Naomi Watts) destroys the object at the outset, so scripter Ehren Kruger decided that he might as well make up new rules as he scribbled along, thus rendering this sequel not only illogical but inconsequential as well.
Bruce Willis has woken up in time to deliver a committed performance in this adaptation of Robert Crais novel. Opening with a stylized, eye-popping title sequence that might lead viewers into thinking theyre catching an early sneak of the new Batman flick, Hostage then settles into familiar crime territory with the introduction of Willis as Jeff Talley, an LAPD hostage negotiator whose botching of a tense standoff leaves him with innocent blood on his hands and prods him into moving to a sleepy community where the crime rate hovers around zero. But once three ruffians attempting to steal a car end up killing a police officer and taking a family hostage, Talley finds himself back in the sort of situation he would like to avoid.
Visually, the film is yet another triumph for computer programmers, as their blood, sweat and bytes have enabled them to create a wondrous landscape thats a joy to behold. But whenever any of the metallic characters that populate this world open their mouths, its like listening to rusty bolts across a chalkboard.
BE COOL PP
Yet one more lazy sequel to a great film, Be Cool is a major disappointment that fails to capture the essence of what made Get Shorty such a memorable experience. In adapting the Elmore Leonard novel, director Barry Sonenfeld and scripter Scott Frank knew that the key to success rested in the capable hands of John Travolta, whose work as shylock-turned-movie-producer Chili Palmer remains a career best. Travolta owned that picture, yet he received more than adequate support from Sonenfelds playful direction, Franks character-driven screenplay and a stellar supporting cast that included Danny DeVito. Alas, F. Gary Gray (the tepid remake of The Italian Job) is no Sonenfeld, Peter Steinfeld (Analyze That) is no Frank, and a promising cast is largely left to flounder in the middle of a movie that never provides a compelling argument for its own existence.
DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN PP1/2
The gorgeous Kimberly Elise (The Manchurian Candidate) gets to display her acting chops as Helen McCarter, whos stunned when her husband of 18 years, a prominent Atlanta lawyer (Steve Harris), demands a divorce and forcibly throws her out of their mansion to make room for his gold-digging girlfriend (Lisa Marcos). A huge hit with African-American audiences, Tyler Perrys play has been adapted (by the author himself) into a movie thats overflowing with positive Christian ideals as well as an honest assessment of the intrinsic desire for seeking retribution versus the spiritual need for giving absolution.
From the connotations of its heros name (Constantine was the Roman emperor who endorsed Christianity more for personal gain than for any spiritual fulfillment) to depictions of Hell that borrow heavily from the works of Hieronymus Bosch, Constantine tries hard to include heady material that will allow for post-screening discussions around the water cooler or in cinephile trades (something The Matrix accomplished masterfully with its rampant theology). But as was the case with the muddled Jacobs Ladder, Constantine never brings its debates into focus, choosing instead to pile on its issues like so many toppings onto a baked potato.
A warm and witty comedy that unfortunately runs itself into the ground during its final act, the picture benefits immeasurably from the presence of Will Smith, who may or may not be a great actor but who is most assuredly a great movie star. He's at turns sly, suave and sexy as Alex "Hitch" Hitchens, who bills himself as the Date Doctor because of his ability to make a living by advising other men how to land the woman of their dreams. He finds his biggest challenge in the form of Albert (Kevin James), a clumsy, overweight accountant who's hopelessly under the spell of beautiful super-model Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta). But Hitch unexpectedly finds his own romantic inclinations rising to the surface once he meets Sara Melas (Eva Mendes). Mendes, who's always come across as a Jennifer Lopez who can't act -- no, wait, that would still make her Jennifer Lopez -- initially has trouble keeping pace with a leading man prettier than she is, but ends up holding her own.
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood) runs The Hit Pit, a boxing gym located in downtown Los Angeles, with the help of his only friend, Scrap (Unforgiven co-star Morgan Freeman). Scrap serves as the facility's caretaker, yet in his day he was a plucky fighter with a lot of promise, a quality he instantly spots in the young girl who wanders into the gym intent on becoming a champion boxer. Her name is Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank), and, as Scrap notes at one point during the film's effective voice-over narration, "Maggie grew up knowing one thing: She was trash." Up until this point, Million Dollar Baby contains all the familiar trappings of crowd-pleasers like Rocky and The Karate Kid. Yet what makes this portion of the film soar is the attention to character that's provided by Eastwood (as director) and scripter Paul Haggis (adapting short stories from F.X. Toole's critically acclaimed book Rope Burns).