What’s most shocking about Ben-Hur is how thoroughly it bungles the two most iconic and riveting sequences from the 1959 original.

While it stands to make a fortune at the box office, it’s unlikely to make much of a dent in the hearts of even its most ardent supporters, the sort who insist that critics are being handsomely paid off by Marvel to trash DC adaptations (chuckle over that one as I step away to fuel my private jet) or who start petitions to shut down Rotten Tomatoes because they don’t like seeing an abundance of poor reviews.

Is it better than the original? Not quite, although the distance between the two is a lot closer than anyone will care to admit.

As with Finding Nemo, the animation employed to capture the look of life under the sea is absolutely staggering, even if it no longer registers as the revolutionary feat it was 13 years ago. But Dory’s odyssey is never as involving as Nemo’s.

With its mix of humans, orcs, dwarfs and even a Golem, one would be forgiven for mistaking this movie for The Lord of the Rings: The Bootleg Edition.