I’VE BEEN telling myself that I’ve just been taking my time unpacking the knapsack.
I’m still learning the vocabulary, I say to the lady in the mirror, the one who keeps asking when I’m going to get serious.
I don’t want to say anything idiotic or insulting—or worse, I whine when she arches her eyebrow and crosses her arms.
I’m worried it’s only going to get more uncomfortable, I admit quietly as she nods.
For many socially conscious white folk, facing the undeniable rot of racism in 2016 is an awkward task. We fervently believe that we are all equal, so we worry that pointing out race in everyday conversation is not only rude but racist itself.
We prepare careful rhetoric only to have it fall apart into a middle school name-calling match with some asshole from high school in the comments section of a post about the new Ghostbusters.
Myself, I’ve been sorta hoping to avoid this conundrum by coasting on my street cred, as if hanging around the intersection of feminism and social justice and general otherness for so long might excuse me from owning the ways racial socialization affects and infects my world.
Maybe I’ve been too self-absorbed or lazy to undertake a rigorous self-examination of such, which is sort of like the moral version of a coffee enema: Cleansing in the long run but shitty while it’s happening.
Of course that’s the irony—and maybe the entire point: I have the prerogative of ducking difficult conversations with myself and others about racism indefinitely because my skin is white.
(It’s also dimply and wrinkly in some unfortunate places, though no one ever got pulled over for driving with a waddle.)
But the lady in the mirror isn’t having it for another minute. You need to get over yourself, and fast, she’s saying. And don’t come back ‘til you do.
Let me be clear: this isn’t an invitation to debate whether white privilege is real or parse statistics about how police shoot all kinds of people, not just unarmed black men with their hands up. If you still have questions about the problem at hand, I gently invite you to consider that enema.
This is the tip of a personal and necessary exploration about how to be a better ally to people of color, especially in my own community, where the effects of our national narrative of institutional racism are reflected in our educational and economic, political and policing realities.
Savannah is also a place with its own distinct stories—from its largely unacknowledged slave history to its foundation of cooperative collaboration between its black and white citizens as well as the daily experiences of violence, poverty and prejudice that so many continue to suffer.
While there are still too many who bark about their backwards-ass hate online and off, most of the people I know truly believe in equal rights and access for all humans regardless of race, religion, gender, sexuality, age or ability. We want to help achieve that. And yet sometimes we become paralyzed in our hand-wringing over correctness or else we’re so dang enthusiastic we end up hijacking the whole room.
Or maybe we keep quiet on the fringes, because we’re afraid of what dismantling the white supremacy in our power structures might mean for ourselves.
Honesty and humility is required as we stand up in this work to level the field for all players and create an anti-racist, multi-racial platform for social change. As an awkward white lady with good intentions, I humbly share what I’ve learned thus far.
1. Now that we’re standing, sit down.
Even if we have experienced injustice and prejudice in other ways, it is not the same systemic oppression suffered by people of color in this country, reminded the organizers of a workshop hosted at Quolab last week titled The Role of White People in the Movement at this Time. The “movement” is the struggle to achieve freedom and equality for everyone, and right now we’re going to focus on black people, because there is some serious emergency shit going down.
Based on materials available through the Atlanta-based LGBT activist hive Southerners on New Ground (SONG), the workshop was a crash course on how to create connections, respect those expressing their anger and frustration and hold a space without imposing ourselves.
This doesn’t mean that we will never get a turn at the mic again. It just means other people who have waited a long time to be heard are having theirs.
Listen and learn, read and share.
2. Check our assumptions. In the latest season of Orange is the New Black, hippie liberal Susu assumes the internationally educated Poussey is an inner city crack baby—a telling example of how “do-goody” white folk can foist racist stereotypes even as they believe their hearts are pure.
“I think that’s a big part of where we get stuck—we do so little self-reflection in this society the delusion that we are bias-free is part of the problem,” says local writer and former political consultant Omkari Williams, who recently penned an essay about growing up in a highly academic family with roots in the Caribbean and the difference between identifying as black and African American.
While Black Lives Matter wields a unifying message, can we please remember that not all people of color share the same experience or opinions? Not every black man is a felon and not every brown child needs charity—these are stereotypes that get perpetuated even by those trying to “help.” It doesn’t.
“When we assign a label to someone, it is for our own comfort and ease, because it means we can stop thinking,” stresses Omkari.
So let’s keep thinking and be extra sure that we’re not assigning imaginary, damaging stories to others.
3. Don’t unfriend the racists. In a widely shared post, writer Jasmine Banks Brown points out that while it may be easy for us to click away the hate, people of color have no such luxury in real life.
The poison seems to be coming in waterfalls these days, but when we shut down those conversations we miss opportunities to stand at the front lines and engage the actual problem. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, awful even—and not even close to the malevolence black and brown people endure all damn day.
A new friend, Gwendolyn Glover, recently introduced me to the work of anti-racist activist Tim Wise, who admonishes that we must go further and meet the irrationality with calm and kindness.
“You can’t organize people if you don’t love them,” writes Wise in White Like Me: Reflections on Race from Privileged Son. “And however hard it can be to love the racists you come in contact with, doing so is the first obligation of a white antiracist.”
Whew, this is a hard one. If we can call filling someone’s inbox with clips from comedian W. Kamau Bell “love,” I guess I can start there.
4. Show up. While we don’t need to add our voices at this moment (see #1), we can show our support for the movement with our warm bodies.
Our presence might be appreciated next Sunday, Aug. 7 at Forsyth Park, where Linda Wilder Bryan has organized a back-to-school picnic, giveaway and tribute to her slain son, Lawrence, whose 2015 murder has not been solved.
Anyone seeking to understand things from a young black man’s point of view will want to be at Savannah Perceptions: A Real & Uncensored Dialogue on Race, Culture, History & Crime, hosted by Solidarity in Savannah at the W.W. Law Regional Center on Aug 18.
If you’ve finished watching Stranger Things and are looking for something else to do, the Savannah Lives Matter Facebook page is an excellent resource to stay updated on other events where allies are welcome to learn, witness and celebrate.
Also, let’s remember that the most dominant color in this culture is green. Several local business owners have learned the hard way lately that their online bigotry is visible to all, giving us opportunity to wield our greatest power: Where to spend—and not spend—our money. The Urban Savannah Chamber of Commerce is an excellent place to start.
5. Don’t overthink it. We white allies can turn ourselves inside out trying to say and do the right thing and end up sucking at it anyway. But being afraid of looking like a hypocrite or a honky isn’t a valid excuse.
We are going to make mistakes. They might even be big ones. (Boy, do we know about that around here.)
But there is work to do and a movement to elevate. The only way forward is to own our missteps, ask for forgiveness and stand shoulder to shoulder as we rise together.
This article appears in Jul 27 – Aug 2, 2016.
There’s an important point missing here. European Americans do not have a patent on racism. Racism is a condition shared throughout the human species. History is loaded with examples if one cares to look. While most are not, there are plenty of black racist.
The tone if not the content of this article is racist, or it’s dripping with White Guilt. Last of all, will this high-handed moralistic lecture that talks down to those who may see it a little differently influence anyone? “How to be a better white person right now.” God help us.
Congratulations, Jessica, on an honest and well thought out piece that addresses a significant challenge. How do we be “white” and care? I mean really care. You’ve skilfully pointed out why and how that is not happening, leaving us to be constantly walking on eggshells in our relationships. This will come to an end when we are truly concerned about other human beings while their ethnicity and skin color really no longer matter. Empathy, love and hope; that’s where we need to do the work. If it takes a coffee enema to kick start the process then so be it. I suspect though that an infusion of common sense and humility through another orifice is what is needed.
Oh, and by the way, Steve Bowman, you are definitely part of the problem.
Thanks, Skip. (If that’s your real name.)
We are in agreement. We view each other as a major part of the problem.
Look, the problem is quite nebulous yet interestingly enough, the solution is relatively simple; don’t get too wrapped up in matters of race. Stop with the liberal over thinking and stay away from conservative reduction-ism.
It is that simple. I don’t know if your realize it at all, Jessica but with your headline, you immediately contributed to the very same problem that it’s obvious that you care to remedy. Now, I’m presuming that it was written by yourself and not the editor but either way, I believe my point is made. “But a week is a month and an hour a day, when your reaching just pushes it further away….” as Trey Anastasio of Phish sang in 1993 and it apparently still applies to your latest offering in Connect Savannah. I understand that you are wrought with guilt. You are willing to help yet feel culpable. You are careful with your rhetoric yet you feel that you ironically upset the balance that you are steadfast in order to keep…..but you don’t have to be. Don’t be so awkward. Don’t get so wrapped up in the racial political interplay.
Just be a good human being. This is the solution. There are those who hate hate and then those who bait hate. If you truly wish to have that honest conversation with yourself, ask yourself, which one of those enemies of hate that you are. Just take the self serving aspect of the strive for social balance out of the dynamic. Instead, strive to treat people on the same level and you’ll notice that your opinions of them will likewise, fall into line. No hand wringing needed and absolutely no need to “ask for forgiveness,” neither literally nor introspectively. What an asinine concept that was that you came up with. This resignation will only further muddy the social waters so you and your readers would do best to perish this notion from your cognition, pronto…..of course, the preceding arrives with a substantial caveat and that is; unless you have a reason to be so contrite. I believe that most everyone who can comprehend my rhetoric here will also know about whom I am referring. Because at this point, the problem isn’t so much the orientation of race in contemporary American culture but more so our selfish and at times, lazy minds. If you feel that you personally need to conduct such radical self dialog, I would question as to where your mind has been to this point.
It is not enough to want to help the situation. It is not enough even, to merely be proactive in order to help the situation. What is required is to employ effective equitable treatment toward the ever growing homogeneity in our society and thus, remedy the situation. Belaboring the white guilt angle and the resultant “paralysis by over analysis” does nothing to further the ultimate cause and no one should be attempting to spread that agenda. THAT would be backward thinking, to cite one example. Furthermore, at face value, it would be a false directive anyhow. It is ridiculous to think that white people have anything for which to be apologetic. No, it is the individual actions of people and their motivations that are the culprits of the social imbalance. Unless of course, here’s that caveat again, you are or have been somehow complicit in those actions….again, you know who you are.
I agree with Steve that the tone and content here is moralistic, while revealing the perceptive tunnel vision that comes from watching a lot of TV and uncritically following the “national narrative.”
That kind of sjw-myopia requires shutting down the debate right away — anyone who disagrees needs a coffee enema! Or is racist!
The TV example used here of a do-gooder that’s got the original sin of white privilege comes from the mind of Jenji Kohan, who is Jewish. As is Tim Wise and the leading proponents of the White Privilege like Abby Ferber.
European Americans need to wake up to what’s going on here, and with the Soros-funded BLM campaign.
Americans are the least racist people on Earth, backed up by a world values study from 2010-2014. http://www.worldvaluessurvey.org/WVSOnline.jsp
It’s not hard to see what’s going on with this agenda, though it’s not always done consciously (and I don’t think that’s the case here).
“..facing the undeniable rot of racism in 2016” ? ? ?
What a clueless, ign0rant and naive article…
The ONLY racism in 2016 is the liberal media pushing this false agenda,, and clueless people that write these articles because they already fell for the kool-aid garbage….
that,, and the tons of blacks that are the most racist on the planet… blaming others for their own makings…
We’re getting closer to the truth. This article has the makeup of something from Mao’s Little Red Book. It feels like a scathing attack one would expect during China’s Cultural Revolution under Mao. The primary weapon of the Cultural Revolution (after execution or torture) was public shaming, attacking and humiliating people for their beliefs. This piece of work does a wonderful job of shaming those who do not follow the progressive party line.
I’m not saying this article is good or bad, certainly not a springboard for harsh commentary as you are (like many) trying to figure out how to approach something that is hurtful and sensitive to many. You are starting a conversation. This is helpful if others will give each other the room to look at you as at times wise and at times like an asshat. Where is the room to make mistakes? I came from a magical place and family where people were respectful of one another no matter the race and if they weren’t it was well behind closed doors I assume. Everyone is family who comes through my family’s door. Racism is not tolerated and is met with an intense discussion on love and humanity. Coming here I was a bit incapacitated in knowing how to navigate life with new friends or coworkers who are African American who told me time and again that they inherently distrusted me. I had some instances where I was verbally attacked and I was later told that it was because there was a “black/white” issue at work. Maybe it’s stupid but that blew my mind at the time. I’m of the belief that if you’re an asshole, well, you’re an asshole. I’m not thinking someone is yelling because they fit a stereotype or I fit a stereotype to them. I’m thinking that there’s a person here who is really irrationally mad and closed off to having any understanding. I had to put it in a mental compartment normally reserved for my understanding of distrusting men on the street because of continual street harassment. It’s the only gauge I have to start to understand the complexity of hurt many experience. The only advice I’ve received has actually been to just keeping being myself and treating everyone the same and in knowing me they will also know who I am not. Peace, Jessica! Glad you’re starting a conversation.
Butter bean, articles like this one do indeed, “start a conversation” but that is superfluous to this wtiter’s objective of claiming a mortgage on what it means to be a civil human being. What she is doing is shilling an uber liberal agenda that is at least, insulting and at worst, over reaching and detrimental to society’s progression, as ironic as that seems. I would say that the tone of her opinion piece allies itself less with wisdom and more with the “asshat” side of things. She may otherwise be a fine person indeed and I have no evidence to the contrary but as far as this matter is concerned and in particular, her blanket derision, she has no business dictating how “white people should behave.”
Breast-beating, white guilt, liberal drivel.
I sure wish this writer would take her clueless liberal yankee drivel back up north…